


Rudolph

by SilverGreen



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, actual pollen, hayfever - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 17:13:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverGreen/pseuds/SilverGreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is susceptible to hayfever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rudolph

**Author's Note:**

> Self-filled prompt from avengerkink which I couldn't help writing.
> 
> Loki encounters a new Midgardian hazard: pollen. He's never been on Earth long enough/at the right time of year/in the right place etc to have discovered he's horribly allergic to pollen but it turns out he is. 
> 
> I'd really like to see the Avengers come face to face with a pink-nosed, watery-eyed sniffly supervillain who can't stop sneezing. Who finds it the most hilarious thing they've ever seen? Does he get any sympathy? Does anyone suggest calling a temporary truce until Loki's feeling less sneezy? Who gets sick of hearing him sniffle and throws a box of tissues at him? Do antihistamines work on Asgardians and if so, do they make Loki drowsy?

Having followed a trail of destruction that seems disordered even by Loki’s standards, when the Avengers catch up with him in a meadow in the middle of nowhere, Loki doesn’t seem to be in a very good way. His eyes are streaming, his nose is runny, he’s sniffing loudly and desperately and as they stare, he sneezes violently into his elbow then wipes his nose on his sleeve.

“Uh… bless you…” Tony says at last, almost lost for words but feeling someone should say something.

Loki spins sharply, wiping his watery eyes with his other sleeve, trying to look menacing but failing as he’s overcome by another big uncontrollable sneeze.

“Bless you,” Tony offers again.

Thor doesn’t lower Mjölnir but he frowns, confused and concerned. “Are you unwell, brother?”

Loki sniffs disgustingly again, opens his mouth to reply and sneezes instead before wiping his nose and rubbing red irritated eyes with the back of his hand.

“You ok, Reindeer?” Tony raises his faceplate to give Loki a quizzical look.

“It’s this damn world,” Loki snarls, his words thick with congestion. He sniffs and Clint grimaces.

“I’m gonna puke if I have to hear him- do _that_ again. Doesn’t anyone have a Kleenex?”

Steve – of course – produces a handkerchief from a pocket on his belt. “Hawkeye’s right. Sniffing like that is revolting. Blow your nose, Loki.”

Whether it’s the authoritative tone or just the desperate need to clear his sinuses, Loki meekly obeys, blowing his nose long and loud, then interrupts himself with another sneeze before blowing it again and giving them all a baleful watery-eyed look.

“What’s going on, Loki?” Natasha asks, gun still levelled at him.

“Something in this place is making me sneeze,” Loki says resentfully, sniffling.

“Are you-” Bruce hesitates, glancing at the others. “Are you saying you have _hayfever_?”

“Hayfever?” Loki repeats, then lets out a noise that sounds suspiciously like swearing in ancient Norse before attempting to stifle two more sneezes into the hanky.

“Bless you.” Tony starts to laugh. “The greatest supervillain Earth’s ever faced – and the God of Chaos at that – taken down by some flowers?”

Loki tries to glare at him but the effect is somewhat lessened by the streaming bloodshot eyes. He sniffles and rubs his itchy eyes again.

“What is this ‘hayfever’?” Thor asks, looking blankly from Bruce and Tony and back again.

“It’s an allergy,” Bruce explains, taking his glasses off. “An immune response to certain proteins in the allergen, triggering-“

Tony clears his throat.

“It means pollen makes him sneezy and itchy,” Bruce finishes, a little sheepishly.

“Will he recover?”

“He’ll be fine, Thor. He just needs to get away from… well, fields and grass and things. Taking an antihistamine will probably help.”

“Anti-?” Thor tries out the unfamiliar word and gives up.

“Antihistamine,” Bruce repeats. “Medicine to stop him sneezing. Loki, don’t rub your eyes. It’ll make them worse.”

Loki sneezes and Tony begins to laugh again.

“What do you know? Reindeer has actually become Rudolf!”

“Loki,” Steve cuts in, as Loki blows his sore red nose and looks at him over the hanky with a comical mixture of misery, rage and resignation in his irritated eyes.

“Yes?” He clears his throat and sniffs, earning a filthy look from Clint.

“How about you leave the destruction of the world for another day?” Steve suggests. “Go and take some meds, have a shower and lie down until you’re feeling-”

“Less sneezy,” Tony supplies.

“And blow your damn nose,” Clint says.

Loki sniffs deliberately, then his nose twitches and he sneezes.

“I rather think you’re right,” he says at last, defeated, the words distorted by the stuffed-up nose. “This won’t be the last of this, Avengers.” He folds the hanky and offers it out to Steve.

“Oh.” Steve holds his hands up in surrender. “No, you can keep it. You need it a _lot_ more than I do.”

He goes to pat Loki’s forearm, then thinks better of it as he remember the mess on the god’s sleeves and claps him on the shoulder instead. “Feel better, Loki.”

 

In his lair, dosed up on hayfever medication procured by one of his minions and wrapped in a blanket, Loki curls up in a corner, bewildered by the sudden onset of overwhelming drowsiness, and falls asleep.


End file.
